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Growing up a Baptist girl, I was always taught that sex before marriage was the no no of all no nos. Not only was it a sin against the almighty, but it was also the ultimate way to slow down your progress of earning the ultimate degree. I learned very quickly that this proverbial choke hold, was a crock.

There were really no in-depth discussions about alternative decisions or choices. I can’t tell you how many “blessed” married couples I know who were engaging in the mattress mambo prior to the double ring thing.

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And alternatively, how many women I know who’ve been celibate for years, some even decades, with no husband in sight. Well, firstly, one cannot be compelled to do the “right thing” through guilt.

It most definitely is a personal decision, based on choices that affects your life and no one else. Don’t we hate hearing that word in relation to ourselves and dating? You’re making decisions based on the Dating is a crazy complicated game that not even the savviest of daters completely understands.

While I’m not telling you to go out and throw away your “V” or celibacy card, I am saying one must check themselves to be sure that this decision is based on your own self development and not solely on the hopes of getting a husband out of the deal. Because you weren’t abstaining for self, but for the hopes of drawing someone to you. Well, “Good Girl,” in this scenario if this is your game plan, you are no less desperate than the girl that puts out on the first night in hopes of snagging a husband. And when you add the lifestyle of celibacy into the equation, it can become even more convoluted.

There are no guarantees, and in the end you may just find yourself embittered and empty handed, literally. However, the benefits outweigh the complications and the benefits aren’t necessarily what you think.

I’ve talked to many people who have adopted this lifestyle for a mere month or two and returned to the land of “sex and adventure” saying, “nope, that no nookie clause is definitely not for me,” while others have continued to abstain.

There are a myriad of wonderful reasons to enter the celibate lifestyle: mental and emotional cleansing, finding oneself, sexual health preservation, spiritual/religious commitments (i.e.Commitment to God, Lent etc.), or just plain ole “I’m taking a break.” But there is one reason to never ever adopt the celibacy lifestyle, and that is the guarantee of finding a spouse or committed relationship.All relationships carry a risk of failure and there are no guarantees.This also rings true for the happily married, picture perfect couples who are so perfect they look like brother and sister – yeah those annoying people.There is no guarantee that any couple will stay together forever no matter how many emotional insurance policies one puts on the relationship.So when I hear women, especially church girls, make the assertion that they’re abstaining for the sole purpose of finding a man to marry, I almost immediately cringe with exasperation for the disappointment they will undoubtedly face when their chasteness alone gets them no closer to marriage than before the big hold out.