recently) divorced, and you’re wondering if dating this man is a good idea. Some people might automatically say you shouldn’t date anyone who falls into this category, but I’m not a fan of telling someone whether they date someone. My approach is to help you get super realistic about what you want, and what you’re getting into, so that you can make your decision to stay or leave as as possible.
Divorces, like men, come in all shapes, sizes, and situations.
Sometimes there are amicable divorces; sometimes there are epic divorces that last years and years with lots of “collateral damage.” But if you’re dating recreationally and not considering him as a long-term partner, then these questions might not matter as much, since you’re not concerned with long-term compatibility.
But if you are considering him as possible life-partner, it’s good to know what you’re getting into, so you can decide, very consciously, whether you want to wade into deeper levels of commitment with him.
Here are some questions to consider: Did he leave Was their infidelity? It’s good to know why they decided to split up and how the split went.
If you’ve been dating for a while and are looking to continue seeing each other, especially if you are dating with the intention of looking for a life partner, it’s not unreasonable to ask about the circumstances of his divorce.
If, for example, his ex-wife is bitter about the divorce, it’s good to know that going into your relationship, because it will likely affect her feelings about you (if she knows about you) and (worst-case) how she treats her ex-husband and the kids.
Or if really bitter about the divorce, his unresolved feelings about the divorce might affect your relationship.
If he has kids, then you want to know what the arrangement is, so you can know what to expect when it comes to him providing childcare, and communication with the mother of his children.
Typically, when a divorce is final, it means that both parties have reached an agreement on custody and how to split up their mutual assets such as the house, investments, the pets, etc.
Sometimes, a couple might choose to divorce but still remain partners in an investment, or still co-own a property.
It’s good to know what to expect, because the custody arrangement might affect how often you get to spend time with your partner, and how to pace the relationship.