You thought your first date went well, but now you are feeling rejected. Or suddenly he’s saying he’s busy every time you ask him out. “Am I not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough?
So straight from this veteran in the dating trenches, here are four tips on handling rejection that I wish someone had told me:1. There really is a place for our brain’s sensibilities in managing dating rejection.Too often we let our sensitive, divorce-worn hearts take centre stage, when what we really need to do is assess it from a rational standpoint.Please contemplate the following commonsense points:2. Try to keep more than ‘one set of eyes’ on you as you navigate the dating trenches.If you are remotely like I was post-divorce, some part of you consciously or unconsciously gages your value through the eyes of a man.In other words, if a man sees you as funny and engaging, you’ll think you’re funny and engaging.
If he thinks you’re physically unattractive and a bore, you’ll find yourself feeling insecure.
Whether we are aware of it or not, this kind of belief-mirroring usually was at work in our marriages, and it can easily carry on into our dating lives. Keep more than one set of eyes on you as you begin dating. After all, you’re still getting to know yourself at this stage post-divorce.
And, isn’t it wonderful you have this opportunity to amputate old, un-serving beliefs about who you are, and begin reconstructing broader, more empowering ones.
When I first started dating men and they’d pay me a compliment like, “You’re so funny” or “Wow, you’re so interesting,” I couldn’t believe they were talking about me.
I had fixed ideas in my head about who Delaine was – and believe me, she had lots of flaws.
But the more I dated, the more I actually began believing that “Yeah, I AM funny” and “Wow, I really AM interesting.” A new sense of confidence, a new sense of ME was slowly building.